Take Your 14-Day Cleanse and Shove It Up Your...

It happened. I am now officially acting like a child.

Polly's alternative medicine guy put her on a 14-day cleanse diet, and after she filled him in on my health/weight/sheer lack of motivation he instructed her to put me on it, too. It's not one of those water, lemon juice and olive oil cleanses designed to flush out fat and tiny organs; it's one of those eat a lot of protein and dark green leafy veggies type of cleanses. Bor-ing!

I've been here before. My old doc, Dr. McRostie (my hero) had me on an identical diet many years ago, and I lost a shit ton of weight. I get it. It works. I should do it. I have to do it. Why wait? The time is now. Do it for the kid, the wife, the whole big beautiful life. Do it for my future. Do it so I can stand to have my picture taken, so I'll go for all the big stuff I avoid because I'm super fat. Just friggin' do it.

Here's what I really want to say to all that:

You. Can't. Make. Me.

This is how I know I've regressed.

I used to be the poster child of personal growth. Now I just want to eat what I want, stay up late and watch TV. I don't want to change. I don't wanna!

But I will. And at some point, maybe in the near future, maybe months from now, I will realize it's all good and stop acting like a child. For now, I'm just a pouting, petulant, contrary preschooler. (Good thing I don't live at Nyack Mary's house. She has the Elf on the Shelf!)


Happy Wednesday, all. I'm off to eat yet another hard boiled egg. Gross.