An Open Letter to Television

Dear TV,

We've been friends for a long, long time. You've been my go-to buddy ever since the first time I saw an episode of All My Children. (I was eleven.) I would even go so far as to say you probably saved my life, distracting me from the chaos all around me, keeping me company when no one else would. Over the years I've depended on you and most of the time, you came through. Which is why I'm conflicted about writing this letter.

The thing is, you're kind of wrecking my life. Or rather, watching you is wrecking my life. I stay up late to watch everything you've stored up for me on the DVR, returning to that blissful, mind-numbing state I craved for most of my life. I make time for you when I'd rather read a book, have sex, write my own stuff, go to sleep, work on Jack's movies, call a friend. I feel compelled to chill out with you every day and it's getting in the way of everything else that means so much more to me.

We've been here before, I know. The last time we broke up I took it really hard, and ended up in an equally dysfunctional rebound relationship with my iBook. Now, I'm juggling both of you! When I called Cabelvision and welcomed you back, mostly so that everyone else could spend time with you, I thought I could handle it. I thought I could live with you without loving you, but it wasn't long before we were back at it, full force.

Look, you've got some great stuff for me to watch these days, I'll give you that. Rachel Maddow, Glee, Modern Family, United States of Tara, The Ricky Gervais Show, The Biggest Loser, Parenthood--good times. Frankly, the thought of giving all of that up makes me feel a bit nauseous. But what can I do? You're a major time suckage. Seriously. More than that, you're infecting my brain, killing my muse and squashing my dreams.

I know what you're thinking: how am I going to calm myself down without you? It's a fair question, considering all of the times I ran to you. But I'm older now, more aware. I've got tools. I've got ideas. I've got discipline. It will be hard, but I can do it. Yes, I realize three of my favorite shows are approaching season finales, but so what? I have to have courage. Rip the bandaid off. Be radical.

What it comes down to is I really don't need you anymore. Harsh, I know, but so true. It's not just that life is pretty damn awesome these days; this isn't an impulsive decision that will change when shit gets hard. I don't need you because I'm okay with chaos. I'm even okay with loneliness. If I ever feel crazy or lonely again, I'll just ride it out, because that's how I roll these days.

I hope one day I can hang with you from time to time without falling back into our old ways. I've been able to kick sugar and still enjoy a few bites of this or that every month or so, so it's possible we'll find a way to be together again. But not today. Today I need space, and lots of it.

So goodbye. (Again.) For now. (Or forever.) Thanks for everything.